Jumbled mess

My brain feels like the meal I just ate for dinner. It twists and turns like spaghetti covered in a cloud of confusion much like a sauce.

I have thought of so many things I could write about in the last two weeks, but honestly couldn’t settle on any single one. I feel lost in the sea of ideas with too many goals and ambitions.

When I decide I am going to do one thing, my body is filled with an extra dose of motivation and adrenaline, and I start to believe I should do everything at once. I attack life with passion, but my body is only human. 

I cannot withstand the constant pressure of perfection oozing into my head. I also am unable to accomplish everything at the same time, despite all efforts to do so.

I am my biggest critic. I know myself better than any other, and I cannot stand to watch myself fail. I know I can be better. Do more. Try harder. Push myself further. 

Why can’t I succeed? 

Why does every path have a locked door at the end of it?

How many “NO’s” can I take before I stop trying? 

I guess those are some questions I have yet to answer. But for now, I will keep attempting the impossible. 

I can’t quit. 

I can’t give up.

Sure, the sheer number of rejections I have received over the years have been challenging. But I like the way this quote says it best. 

Either I can work my butt off and deal with the pain of hard work and failure, or I can just not try at all and face the awful pain of regret. 

I choose rejection over regret every time.

I just have to keep trusting that Heavenly Father has something good in the works for me. Every no is leading me to a better yes in the future. 

XOXO – Heath


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